Instead of all that fussy spiritual examination, Dan Quayle will fill the numerous vacancies in the Church hierarchy with the people's choices. Place your votes today! You may also nominate new candidates in any category.
| Freddy Phelps | 8981 votes |
| Jesse Ventura | 40 votes |
| Pat Robertson | 91 votes |
| Rep. J.C. Watts (R-OK) | 94 votes |
| J.D. Drew | 96 votes |
| Scott Radinsky | 193 votes |
| John Frascatore | 48 votes |
| Fernando Tatis | 4 votes |
| Willie McGee | 1207 votes |
| Mark McGwire | 62 votes |
| Edgar Renteria | 359 votes |
| Ricky Bottalico | 238 votes |
| Mr. T | 674 votes | Don't make me come over there. |
| Strom Thurmond | 3 votes | Leading through example, since the creation of the earth. |
| Howard the Duck | 57 votes | Always on guard |
| Alfred E. Neuman | 57 votes | MAD MAD MAD MAD |
| Mr. Potatoehead | 26 votes | Starch -- for industry! |
| Mel Torme | 4 votes | Honey, it just feels right. |
| Charlton Heston | 57 votes | Don't just shoot yourself in the foot -- remember friends and neighbors! |
| William H. Gates | 89 votes |
| Don Knotts | 789 votes |
| Peewee Herman | 16789 votes |
| Ally McBeal | 4892 votes | Leading anorexics by example! |
| Richard Simmons | 5689 votes | Leading freaks by example! |
